Relationships are hard work so one expert has revealed how often you should actually see your significant other to make it work.
Speaking to FEMAIL Samantha Jayne, based in Sydney, broke down her advice for each stage of a relationship.
‘Factors to consider are work schedules, commitments and personal needs and goals,’ she said.
‘The extroverted more social person might want to catch up more often than the introverted individual who loves alone time yet still adores being in a relationship.’
Speaking to FEMAIL Samantha Jayne has revealed how often you should actually see your significant other at different stages of your relationship
In the early stages of a relationship less is more
She explained that when you first meet someone emotions and sexual attraction are high, which she calls the infatuation phase.
‘The intense attraction, flowing endorphins, oxytocin are so intoxicating they make you want to see that person you’re dating as much as possible,’ she said.
‘This is a dangerous phase where you generally only see the good or only what you want to see and this is where mistakes happen.’
She said it is during this period that you might ignore your gut feelings and continue with the relationship.
Samantha added that it is during the early stages of a relationship that you should be taking a step back.
She explained that when you first meet someone emotions and sexual attraction are high, which she calls the infatuation phase
‘When you take things slowly you are able to see things for as they are minus the crazy hormones,’ she said.
‘Taking things slow in the early days prolongs the honey moon period/ that period of high desire, excitement and attraction – which is a huge bonus and allows you to establish a more solid connection.
‘As the old saying goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, which is absolutely true.
‘The less time you spend with someone in the early days, the more they want to see you and as a result the attraction becomes stronger. It’s human nature to want what you can’t have. It’s like eating at an all you can eat restaurant vs enjoy the pleasure of a degustation meal.’
This is how regularly you should see someone
If you’ve been dating for one to three months
Samantha suggests you limit it to seeing each other once a fortnight or once a week and when you do see your partner you make sure it is special and memorable.
You also want to ensure you’re asking the right questions to figure out if you have the same aligned values, needs and wants.
‘Take a look at their lifestyle, are they living the life you want to be a part of or are you trying to force something that is doomed just because you don’t want to be alone?’ She said.
‘It’s also a good time to see if there are any skeletons in their closet as good behaviour 24/7 is unlikely.
‘You’ll see the real deal and they will see the real you too, which is a good thing.’
If you’ve been dating for one to three months Samantha suggests you limit it to seeing each other once a fortnight or once a week and when you do see your partner you make sure it is special and memorable
If you’ve been dating for three to six month
Although seeing them once a week is fine, if you want to see them more by month four you can scale it up to twice depending on your schedule.
During this phase you should know how compatible you are together and if you want a future with this person
If you’ve been dating for six to 12 months
She recommends seeing each other weekends and a mid-week visit. Once again it all comes down to what you want, your goals, schedules and how you feel.
If you’ve been dating for a year or more
For people who have been dating 12 months or more how often you see each other all comes down to your lifestyle, schedules and what you both want.
‘Go for gold! Just remember you still need to have your own interests and life so you don’t become co-dependent. Maintaining your identity is essential for a happy relationship,’ she said.
Samantha added that all of the above information is ideal for a busy couple with a full schedule and is in no rush.
If you’ve been dating for six to 12 months Samantha recommends seeing each other weekends and a mid-week visit. Once again it all comes down to what you want, your goals, schedules and how you feel
However if you both have the goal of taking things to the next level faster than the time frames would be slightly different.
‘For example, if you both want kids and your biological clocks are ticking loud and you have a limited window then I’d suggest moving things faster after the first three months of taking things slowly,’ she said.
‘A lot of my clients are married within the 12 month mark simply because they have put career first for so long it’s time to embrace the opportunity they have to have babies.
‘Always remember it is still important not to rush in the early stages, so you have full clarity, transparency and you are acting from a place of intelligence instead of emotional needs.’
What are the benefits of seeing each other once a week?
1. Rushing things too early on ruins many good relationships
This is especially in relation to rushing into sex too early as doing so can make you to feel intense emotions.
‘It can cause you to feel vulnerable, possibly needy and insecure about your decisions because you haven’t had time to build trust in that person,’ she said.
2. You are able to see who they really are
‘By getting to know a person slowly you decide if they are for you. It builds trust, reducing vulnerability and boosts your confidence,’ Samantha said.
‘The less anxious you feel the more likely the relationship will last and the more confident you are the sexier they will find you as confidence is considered to be very attractive.’
3. You don’t lose yourself
When you take the time to get into a relationship it allows you to stay true to who you are.
4. Quality vs quantity
By not seeing each other every day the moments you see each other will be of quality.
‘If you see each other every day you may spend a lot of time just doing a whole a lot of nothing, mundane tasks killing time instead of being present,’ she said.
‘Presence is the greatest gift you can give someone. Being adventurous is a great way to be present.’
5. Keep your connections with friends and family
In this day and age it’s impossible to fit everyone into your life. Seeing each other once week you can make the transition nice and smooth.
6. Saves your relationship from burnout
‘If you see each other once a week you can prevent over doing it. It’s like eating too much cake, after a while it doesn’t taste as good anymore. When you enjoy it every now and then it’s so much sweeter!’ Samantha said.